Legacy

Image by Silviu on the street from Pixabay

Discussing Our Legacy

Recently my women’s group decided to discuss “legacy.” Our group provides support to one another and typically discusses a topic of mutual interest. Often, we focus on issues of aging since we range in age from our sixties to our early eighties. As a group we have been together for over 25 years, meeting monthly for three to four hours. Thus, our bonds and familiarity with one another are deep and allow for rich discussion.

When we began our discussion, it became clear that what we wanted to pass on to the next generation - to our children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews - was significant and particularly important. We wanted to leave our values, family stories, traditions, precious keepsakes and pictures of our ancestors, and the general hope of a better world.

Jane Goodall’s Example

The timing of our last meeting coincided with the Netflix film about Jane Goodall, who was interviewed in a planned release after her recent death. Jane inspired so many in the world with her commitment to nature, to studying the chimpanzees and to saving our planet. But as I listened to her, I realized she had a great deal to say about her legacy which included encouraging all of us but especially young people. Her advice to us was “What you do makes a difference and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.” She believed that every individual could play a key role in changing the world for the better. The challenge of course is deciding what kind of difference we want to make and how to do it.

In my case, my father influenced me by encouraging me to “give back,” saying that I was blessed with abundant opportunities and that it was important to share with others. Jane had a similar outlook on life. She believed she had been chosen as a messenger, that she was put on this planet for a purpose. Her job was “to go around and inspire people and get them to take action.”

Reflecting on My Life Work

I found a fulfilling career in which I used my skills to help others become more effective and create more supportive workplaces. I helped organizations to become better aligned with their mission, taught teams how to collaborate more effectively, counseled leaders to take their followers toward a better future, and coached individuals to find purpose and achievement.

Once I retired, my mission became less clear, but my legacy became more important as I was closer to the end than the beginning of my life. What was left for me to do? How did I want to continue my father’s advice to give back? I wanted to author a book about my family history and to pass on the mysterious story about my grandfather to my grandsons. Because I could not find all the information about his life the book became historical fiction, Sarah’s Secret, a Western Tale of Betrayal and Forgiveness. When my grandson finished reading it, he exclaimed “This is about my family!”

Over the years, my father’s voice from long ago has kept whispering in my ear about the importance of giving back. Thus, I began volunteering for an organization that provides full-time mentors to children from challenging environments. I teamed with my spouse to plan a donations budget to contribute to non-profit organizations working in areas that aligned with our values. And I have spent time to stay connected to my grandsons, my daughter, and my friends to support them, to share stories, to be present, to provide encouragement and to help when needed.

Leaving an “Ethical Will”

Recently I learned about the Jewish tradition of leaving an ethical will for one’s descendants: a letter to children, grandchildren, and significant others to offering guidance, wisdom, and direction for the future. What a great tradition! Thus inspired, I plan to draft an ethical will of my own. I will include what I have learned from key experiences and events that have shaped my life, my values, and why they are important to me. I will tell what I am grateful for, wisdom I have gained and used to guide my life, and my hopes for the future. Here are seven additional topics from the book Wise Aging by Rabbi Rachel Cowan and Dr. Linda Thal:

• Hard lessons and what I have learned from them.
• Mistakes I have made that I hope you will not repeat.
• Reminders of what my loved ones mean to me; how great my love is for them and how grateful I am that they have been the ones with whom I have shared my life.
• Stories about my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, what I know about parents’ and grandparents’ lives, how life was back then.
• Apologies and requests for forgiveness
• The meaning of personal possessions I am leaving to my heirs and why they are important to me.
• My desire that my survivors will continue to support causes that are important to me.

The Key Questions for Me

The poet Mary Oliver asked, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” This applies to both young and old! As I face the last stages of my life, what do I plan to do with what remains of my “precious life?” Do I have the strength and the wisdom to fulfill my purpose now? Have I used the inheritance (not the financial or material) from my family in ways they would be proud? Do I have regrets that I still need to address? Can I still make a difference?

I am curious. How does this topic resonate with you? What legacy do you want to leave? I would be happy to hear your thoughts.